Why I Don't Get Excited About Birthdays
Growing up as a kid, I only had one birthday party. I think I was in 3rd grade at the time. We played games and all that. I think we even had a few rounds of Spin The Bottle, which is probably what makes it memorable.
But the reason for the scantiness of those celebrations was because of the way my mother viewed birthdays. Now most people anticipate birthdays like its a mini Christmas. Parents and relatives gather at an ice cream or pizza parlor or at home, sing a song, and set a cake on fire with fire, and raise a cheer when the fire is extinguished. Then everybody scans the recipient’s face and eyes as the cache of purchased treasures that had been poured over in advance for just this moment is unloaded. Everybody goes home, and we wait for the next round. That is pretty much the template in America for a birthday party. Some families are so large and so concentrated in some regions that birthday parties are a constant drain on time and resources.
That's not how my Mom did it. To her, a birthday was not something that was planned. Nor did it involve all the trappings listed above. A birthday was something you acted on to some degree when you happened to think of it. And when you thought of it, it didn’t necessarily have anything to do with the actual day you were born. Sort of like washing the windows. You don't have to do it on a certain day or time. Just when you think of it.
So my birthdays went something like this. I would be doing something unrelated to anything and out nowhere my mother would announce, "You know, Dale, you birthday is coming up in a few months. You've been wanting a pair of red corduroy pants, some 1920s wing tips that the gangsters in Chicago used to wear, and a violin case. Why don't we go lot St. Vincent DePaul and look for those today and buy them (and then came THE phrase that always followed a birthday (or Christmas) contemplation and, hence, guided my mothers philosophy about birthdays and birthday parties) and 'THEN YOU CAN START GETTING THE USE OUT OF IT.'"
There it was. The crucial dynamic in a birthday gift was not the element of surprise but the practical, IMMEDIATE use I would be able to obtain by adding crap to my log of possessions TODAY or very soon. She was very practical. In fact, the only thing beneficial about a birthday was that it had pragmatic implications. You were going to get something. So why wait. Get it now.
One classic example of this was my 17th birthday. I don't remember what I was doing except that it was a Saturday. Mom was not working. I had just gotten out of bed and was getting dressed when THE ANNOUNCEMENT came. It was always like a fire alarm. Totally unexpected at any time except on your birthday or anywhere near it. "You know, Dale, your birthday is coming up (today was the end of August, 1962. My birthday was November 1). I've decided I am going to buy you a gold watch for your 17th birthday. So let's go downtown and buy one (and then . . . here it came) SO YOU CAN BEGIN TO GET THE USE OUT OF IT."
Since she knew, and now I knew (only once was there any element related to shock and awe or the unexpected) what the gift was going to be, why waste precious time letting it lay wherever it was when you could be getting the advantages it proffered at that moment?
Just think what you could do with that logic. Let's suppose I had been married for 40 years and out of nowhere one day Linda says to me, "You know, Dale, in 10 years we are going to have been married for 50 years. Why don't we take off on an expensive World Tour for our 50th Anniversary next week SO WE CAN BEGIN TO GET THE USE OUT OF IT."
Now there are many women who are going to see the value of my mother's train of thought, but when this birthday philosophy is applied to your youth and the day you interrupted the course of history, it has unforeseen effects. For example, when November 1 came in 1962, I was sporting a gold Bulova 21 jewel self-winding time piece on my wrist that had been obtained at the end of August. November 1 came and went without fanfare. No need for it. I had the gift and for 2 months I WAS ALREADY GETTING THE USE OUT OF IT.
But the reason for the scantiness of those celebrations was because of the way my mother viewed birthdays. Now most people anticipate birthdays like its a mini Christmas. Parents and relatives gather at an ice cream or pizza parlor or at home, sing a song, and set a cake on fire with fire, and raise a cheer when the fire is extinguished. Then everybody scans the recipient’s face and eyes as the cache of purchased treasures that had been poured over in advance for just this moment is unloaded. Everybody goes home, and we wait for the next round. That is pretty much the template in America for a birthday party. Some families are so large and so concentrated in some regions that birthday parties are a constant drain on time and resources.
That's not how my Mom did it. To her, a birthday was not something that was planned. Nor did it involve all the trappings listed above. A birthday was something you acted on to some degree when you happened to think of it. And when you thought of it, it didn’t necessarily have anything to do with the actual day you were born. Sort of like washing the windows. You don't have to do it on a certain day or time. Just when you think of it.
So my birthdays went something like this. I would be doing something unrelated to anything and out nowhere my mother would announce, "You know, Dale, you birthday is coming up in a few months. You've been wanting a pair of red corduroy pants, some 1920s wing tips that the gangsters in Chicago used to wear, and a violin case. Why don't we go lot St. Vincent DePaul and look for those today and buy them (and then came THE phrase that always followed a birthday (or Christmas) contemplation and, hence, guided my mothers philosophy about birthdays and birthday parties) and 'THEN YOU CAN START GETTING THE USE OUT OF IT.'"
There it was. The crucial dynamic in a birthday gift was not the element of surprise but the practical, IMMEDIATE use I would be able to obtain by adding crap to my log of possessions TODAY or very soon. She was very practical. In fact, the only thing beneficial about a birthday was that it had pragmatic implications. You were going to get something. So why wait. Get it now.
One classic example of this was my 17th birthday. I don't remember what I was doing except that it was a Saturday. Mom was not working. I had just gotten out of bed and was getting dressed when THE ANNOUNCEMENT came. It was always like a fire alarm. Totally unexpected at any time except on your birthday or anywhere near it. "You know, Dale, your birthday is coming up (today was the end of August, 1962. My birthday was November 1). I've decided I am going to buy you a gold watch for your 17th birthday. So let's go downtown and buy one (and then . . . here it came) SO YOU CAN BEGIN TO GET THE USE OUT OF IT."
Since she knew, and now I knew (only once was there any element related to shock and awe or the unexpected) what the gift was going to be, why waste precious time letting it lay wherever it was when you could be getting the advantages it proffered at that moment?
Just think what you could do with that logic. Let's suppose I had been married for 40 years and out of nowhere one day Linda says to me, "You know, Dale, in 10 years we are going to have been married for 50 years. Why don't we take off on an expensive World Tour for our 50th Anniversary next week SO WE CAN BEGIN TO GET THE USE OUT OF IT."
Now there are many women who are going to see the value of my mother's train of thought, but when this birthday philosophy is applied to your youth and the day you interrupted the course of history, it has unforeseen effects. For example, when November 1 came in 1962, I was sporting a gold Bulova 21 jewel self-winding time piece on my wrist that had been obtained at the end of August. November 1 came and went without fanfare. No need for it. I had the gift and for 2 months I WAS ALREADY GETTING THE USE OUT OF IT.